What To Do When You Can’t Find Your Thankful

Thanksgiving is traditionally a time for reflection and gratitude, but for many, the holiday can amplify feelings of emptiness, sadness, or disconnect. This article explores why some individuals struggle to feel thankful, especially during Thanksgiving, and provides practical, empathetic strategies to rediscover gratitude, even in difficult times.

Thanksgiving often conjures images of family gatherings, abundant meals, and heartfelt expressions of gratitude. However, for some, the holiday brings more stress than joy. Whether due to personal loss, mental health struggles, unresolved conflicts, or unmet expectations, finding “thankful” can feel elusive. You’re not alone if you’ve ever been in this emotional space. Many struggle to reconcile the cultural emphasis on gratitude with their internal reality.

In this article, we’ll explore why finding gratitude can be challenging, the psychological impact of these struggles, and actionable steps to cultivate thankfulness, even when it feels out of reach.

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Why Gratitude Feels Hard to Find

1. Life Challenges Weighing You Down
   Major life events—the loss of a loved one, financial difficulties, or health concerns—can make gratitude inaccessible. When your mind is preoccupied with survival or coping, pausing to count blessings might feel unnatural.

2. Mental Health Factors
   Depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can suppress feelings of gratitude. The emotional fatigue associated with these challenges can obscure positive feelings, leaving an overwhelming sense of numbness.

3. Comparison Culture
   Social media and societal expectations can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy, especially during Thanksgiving. Comparing your life to curated snapshots of others’ seemingly perfect holidays can magnify discontent.

4. Unrealistic Holiday Expectations
   The pressure to meet holiday ideals—flawless dinners, harmonious family gatherings, and picture-perfect memories—can lead to disappointment when reality falls short.

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Steps to Rediscover Gratitude

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings

It’s okay to feel unthankful. Suppressing negative emotions can make them more powerful. Instead, permit yourself to feel what you’re feeling without judgment. WritePlease write your feelings in a journal or talk to a trusted friend or counselor to process them.

2. Reframe Your Focus

Instead of forcing gratitude, focus on moments of neutrality or small comforts. For example:

• A warm cup of tea.

• A cozy blanket.

• A kind word from a stranger.

Shifting the focus to manageable positives helps create a foundation for more significant feelings of gratitude to grow.

3. Start a “Micro-Gratitude” Practice

Gratitude doesn’t have to be monumental. Consider starting with a single moment of appreciation each day. Examples might include:

• “I’m grateful for clean water to drink.”

• “I’m thankful for the sunrise.”

By consistently naming these small moments, you gradually train your mind to notice the good in your surroundings.

4. Lean Into Community Support

Isolation can intensify feelings of despair, especially during the holidays. Reach out to loved ones, join community events or volunteer. Being part of something larger than yourself can reignite feelings of purpose and connection.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Instead of pressuring yourself to feel thankful, extend kindness to yourself. Self-compassion involves treating yourself like a close friend—acknowledging pain while offering comfort.

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Did You Know?

Thanksgiving isn’t universally celebrated in the same way. While the U.S. emphasizes gratitude and feasting, other cultures have their gratitude traditions:

• Japan celebrates Kinrō Kansha no Hi (Labor Thanksgiving Day), a public holiday honoring workers and reflecting on communal contributions.

• Canada celebrates Thanksgiving in October, emphasizing harvest gratitude with a more relaxed approach than its U.S. counterpart.

Understanding these global perspectives can remind us that gratitude isn’t confined to a single day or expression—it’s a mindset that can take many forms.

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Tools to Foster Gratitude in Difficult Times

1. Gratitude Jar
   Place a jar in your home and write down one positive thing to add daily. Over time, these small notes can be a powerful reminder of the good in your life.

2. Grounding Exercises
   When overwhelmed, focus on your immediate environment to center yourself. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

   • 5 Five things you see.

   • 4 Four things you feel.

   • 3 Three things you hear.

   • 2 Two things you smell.

   • 1 One you taste.

     Practicing mindfulness through grounding can shift your perspective toward appreciation of the present.

3. Professional Support
   Therapy can provide a safe space to unpack why gratitude feels distant. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps reframe negative thinking patterns to promote positivity.

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Stories of Gratitude in Adversity

Sometimes, hearing how others found gratitude in hardship can inspire hope:

• The Power of Resilience: After losing her home in a natural disaster, a woman found gratitude in the outpouring of support from strangers, teaching her that community transcends material loss.

• Small Wins: A man recovering from chronic illness began keeping a journal of small daily victories, like walking farther or laughing with a friend. Over time, these entries became his anchor for gratitude.

These stories remind us that gratitude doesn’t erase pain but can coexist alongside it.

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Common Questions Around “Finding Thankful”

Q: Is it normal to feel ungrateful during Thanksgiving?
A: Yes, it’s completely normal. Gratitude is a practice, not an obligation. Feeling unthankful doesn’t make you unappreciative—it makes you human.

Q: How can I celebrate Thanksgiving without feeling forced to be thankful?
A: Focus on connection rather than gratitude. Spend time with loved ones, engage in acts of kindness, or simplify the day in a way that feels authentic to you.

Q: Can gratitude change how I feel?
A: Yes, but it’s a gradual process. Research shows that consistent gratitude practices can rewire the brain to focus on positives over time, but there’s no quick fix.

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Related Terms

• Gratitude journaling

• Mindfulness during holidays

• Holiday stress management

• Community connection

• Cognitive reframing

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Additional Resources

• Harvard Health: The Power of Gratitude

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Coping During the Holidays

• Psychology Today: Finding Gratitude

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Expand Your Knowledge

• More excellent Good Science Center: Gratitude Resources

• Verywell Mind: Benefits of Gratitude

• Mindful.org: Gratitude Practices

When you can’t find your thankfulness, remember that gratitude is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to struggle. By taking small steps—acknowledging your emotions, leaning into community, and embracing self-compassion—you can rediscover gratitude in authentic ways. This Thanksgiving, allow yourself the grace to feel what you think, and know that even in the most challenging times, tiny sparks of gratitude can begin to grow.

For counseling services, visit www.kevonowen.com or call now. 405-740-1249 or 405-655-5180.

 

When People Don’t Live Up To Our Expectations

 

Navigating disappointment when people don’t meet our expectations is a universal experience. It can affect personal relationships, workplace dynamics, and even our self-perception. By understanding the roots of our expectations, learning strategies to manage disappointment, and fostering healthy communication, we can turn these moments of disillusionment into opportunities for growth and connection.

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Human relationships are intricate webs woven with expectations—some spoken, others unspoken. These expectations often arise from our values, cultural norms, and past experiences. While expectations can provide structure and motivation, they can also lead to profound disappointment when unmet. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a professional connection, dealing with these unmet expectations requires introspection, emotional resilience, and Empathy.

Why do people often fall short of our expectations, and how can we cope without jeopardizing our relationships? This article delves into the psychology of expectations, explores common scenarios where disappointment arises, and provides actionable strategies for navigating this challenging yet inevitable aspect of life.

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The Roots of Expectations

Expectations are an inherent part of human psychology. From an early age, we develop them based on social cues, personal experiences, and cultural conditioning. Psychologists identify several reasons why expectations form:

• Projection of Values: We often expect others to act in ways that align with our values or beliefs.

• Social Conditioning: Cultural and societal norms shape our expectations of how people “should” behave.

• Past Experiences: Positive or negative interactions create benchmarks that inform our expectations.

• Emotional Needs: Expectations may arise from a desire for validation, love, or support.

While expectations help us predict behaviors and build trust, they can also be unrealistic, rigid, or poorly communicated, creating friction in relationships.

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Common Scenarios of Unmet Expectations

1. In Personal Relationships

In close relationships, unspoken expectations are shared. For example:

• A partner forgets a significant anniversary.

• A friend doesn’t show up during a time of need.

• A sibling fails to maintain family traditions.

2. In Professional Settings

Unmet expectations in the workplace can lead to frustration and reduced morale. Common examples include:

• A colleague was not delivering on promises.

• A manager failing to recognize hard work.

• Team members are missing deadlines or performing below par.

3. With Ourselves

We often hold ourselves to high standards, leading to disappointment when we fail to meet them. Whether we miss a goal or struggle to balance responsibilities, self-imposed expectations can weigh heavily.

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The Emotional Impact of Disappointment

The emotional toll can be significant when people don’t meet our expectations. Common reactions include:

• Anger or Frustration: Feeling let down often manifests as anger.

• Sadness or Grief: Deep disappointment may trigger feelings of loss.

• Resentment: Prolonged unmet expectations can erode trust and breed resentment.

• Self-Doubt: Questioning our worth or judgment is a natural but harmful consequence.

Recognizing these emotions is the first step in addressing unmet expectations constructively.

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Strategies for Coping with Unmet Expectations

1. Reevaluate Your Expectations

Ask yourself:

• Are my expectations realistic?

• Have I communicated with them?

• Are they rooted in my needs or assumptions about others?

2. Practice Empathy

Understanding someone else’s perspective can mitigate disappointment. People may have their struggles or limitations that influence their actions.

3. Communicate Effectively

Unspoken expectations are a recipe for misunderstanding. Be clear, specific, and honest when expressing your needs or concerns.

4. Focus on Growth

Instead of dwelling on disappointment, view it as an opportunity for growth. Reflect on how the experience can strengthen your emotional resilience and refine your expectations.

5. Set Boundaries

If unmet expectations stem from recurring patterns, consider establishing healthy boundaries. Protecting your emotional well-being doesn’t mean severing relationships but ensuring they are mutually respectful.

6. Forgive and Let Go

Holding on to resentment only deepens emotional wounds. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning behavior; instead, it means releasing the hold of negativity.

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Did You Know?

The Psychology of Disappointment

• Expectation-Disconfirmation Theory explains that disappointment occurs when reality doesn’t match our expectations. The greater the gap, the stronger the emotional response.

• Cognitive Dissonance: Discomfort arises when actions don’t align with beliefs, which can amplify feelings of unmet expectations.

• Social Comparison Theory: Comparing our experiences to others can magnify disappointment, especially in relationships.

Understanding these psychological frameworks can help us contextualize disappointment and respond more constructively.

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Turning Disappointment into Opportunity

Disappointments can act as catalysts for change, offering valuable life lessons:

• Improved Communication: Addressing unmet expectations often leads to deeper, more authentic relationships.

• Self-Awareness: Reflecting on why we feel disappointed reveals personal values and triggers.

• Resilience Building: Each instance of disappointment builds emotional strength and adaptability.

For example, a friend’s failure to meet expectations might prompt a conversation that clarifies mutual priorities, strengthening the bond.

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Common Questions Around Expectations

1. Why do unmet expectations hurt so much?

Unmet expectations challenge our sense of control and belonging. They highlight gaps between our desires and reality, triggering emotional responses.

2. How can I manage expectations better?

• Be clear and realistic about what you expect from others and yourself.

• Communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings.

• Remain flexible and adaptable.

3. Should I lower my expectations to avoid disappointment?

Lowering expectations isn’t always the answer. Instead, focus on setting realistic, mutually agreed-upon expectations and cultivating emotional resilience.

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Related Terms

• Emotional resilience

• Cognitive dissonance

• Expectation management

• Interpersonal communication

• Boundary setting

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Additional Resources

1. APA: Managing Expectations in Relationships

2. MindTools: The Art of Clear Communication

3. HelpGuide: Emotional Resilience and Coping Strategies

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Expand Your Knowledge

1. BetterUp: Building Emotional Intelligence

2. Psychology Today: The Role of Expectations in Relationships

3. Harvard Business Review: Managing Workplace Disappointments

For counseling services, visit https://www.kevonowen.com or call now. 405-740-1249 or 405-655-5180.

 

Learning to forgive your imperfect parenting

 

Parenting is often seen as one of the most fulfilling yet challenging journeys a person can undertake. However, many parents are burdened by the guilt of past mistakes, striving for an unattainable ideal of perfection. This article delves into the importance of self-forgiveness in parenting, offering insights on why accepting imperfection is crucial for personal growth and stronger family bonds.

Understanding Parental Imperfection

Parenting does not come with a manual that guarantees flawless outcomes. The path is paved with trial and error, and every parent makes mistakes regardless of background or experience. These missteps can manifest in various ways: yelling during stressful moments, making later regretted choices, or simply not being emotionally present enough. While some parents may carry these burdens silently, others may experience cycles of self-recrimination that inhibit their ability to nurture and grow.

The Weight of Parental Guilt

Guilt is a natural response when parents feel they have failed to meet their expectations or those set by society. This emotion can be constructive in small doses, prompting self-reflection and improvement. However, excessive guilt can lead to:

• Self-doubt: Constantly questioning one’s own decisions can erode confidence.

• Emotional fatigue: Carrying the weight of guilt can be mentally exhausting and reduce one’s capacity to engage fully with children.

• Ineffective parenting: Overwhelming guilt can lead parents to overcompensate, potentially creating inconsistent boundaries or unbalanced relationships with their children.

Why Self-Forgiveness Matters

Self-forgiveness is not about excusing poor choices or glossing over past actions. Instead, it is a conscious decision to accept that mistakes are part of human nature and growth. Embracing this mindset can yield several benefits:

• Healthier parent-child relationships: When parents forgive themselves, they model resilience and authenticity for their children. Kids learn that imperfection is acceptable, which can build emotional security and trust.

• Reduced stress: Letting go of unrealistic standards can relieve significant emotional stress.

• Personal growth: Accepting past mistakes fosters a mindset open to learning and adaptation.

Steps Toward Self-Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in self-forgiveness is recognizing and validating your emotions. Feelings of guilt, sadness, or regret are natural and need acknowledgment before healing can occur. Spend time reflecting on the source of these emotions—was it a moment of frustration, an uninformed choice, or simply the exhaustion of balancing multiple roles?

2. Reframe Your Expectations

Consider the expectations you set for yourself. Are they rooted in comparisons with others or an idealized version of parenting? Remind yourself that perfection is unattainable. Embracing a mindset that allows for growth over flawless execution will enable you to respond with compassion when reflecting on past actions.

3. Open Communication

One of the most powerful tools for self-forgiveness is communication. Discuss your feelings with a trusted friend, counselor, or partner. Sometimes, sharing the weight of your thoughts can bring clarity and relief. If your children are old enough to understand, acknowledging your mistakes to them—at an age-appropriate level—can demonstrate humility and teach them the value of accountability.

4. Learn and Adapt

Mistakes are valuable learning experiences. Reflect on what led to a particular moment of regret and brainstorm ways to approach similar situations differently in the future. This process not only aids in preventing repeated behavior but also enhances your confidence in managing challenges ahead.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Develop habits that promote self-compassion. Mindfulness practices, such as journaling or meditation, can help shift focus from self-criticism to self-understanding. Remind yourself that you deserve the same kindness and forgiveness you would extend to a friend in a similar situation.

Common Myths About Forgiving Your Imperfections

Myth 1: Forgiveness Equals Excusing Behavior

Self-forgiveness is not about disregarding poor choices but accepting them as part of growth. It involves holding oneself accountable while understanding that everyone deserves the opportunity to move forward.

Myth 2: Perfect Parenting Is Achievable

Social media and cultural ideals often fuel the illusion of perfect parenting. The reality is far different—every family dynamic is unique, and striving for universal perfection can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Local Spotlight: Counseling Resources for Parents

In various communities, counseling services offer workshops and resources tailored for parents grappling with guilt and self-forgiveness. These programs often provide group support and expert guidance on overcoming negative patterns. Connecting with local counseling centers or online support groups can be invaluable for shared experiences and practical advice.

Practical Activities for Practicing Self-Forgiveness

Guided Journaling

Set aside time to write down your reflections on specific instances where you fell short. End each entry with a positive note about what you’ve learned or how you’ve grown since that moment.

“I Am Enough” Affirmations

Incorporate positive affirmations into your daily routine. Phrases like “I am enough as I am” or “I grow through my experiences” can help reframe your perspective and build self-compassion over time.

Common Questions Around Forgiving Imperfect Parenting

Q: How can I teach my children to forgive themselves?
A: Model the behavior by showing them you are capable of self-forgiveness. Discuss your learning process openly, and encourage them to talk about their own experiences without fear of judgment.

Q: Is seeking professional help a sign of failure?
A: Not. Professional counseling is a proactive way to enhance well-being and improve parenting skills. Many parents find that working with a therapist helps them uncover deeper reasons behind their guilt and provides tailored strategies for self-forgiveness.

Q: How long does it take to forgive oneself?
A: Everyone’s journey is unique. Self-forgiveness may take days, months, or even years. The key is to remain patient and committed to the process.

Additional Resources

• National Parent Helpline

• Psychology Today’s Guide to Self-Compassion

• Mindful Parenting Workshops

Expand Your Knowledge

• American Psychological Association on Family Support

• Child Mind Institute’s Tips for Parents

• Parenting Science: Studies on Parenting Strategies

For counseling services, visit https://www.kevonowen.com or call now. 405-740-1249 or 405-655-5180.

 

Anxiety Around Politics and World Events: Understanding News-Related Stress and How to Manage It

In today’s hyper-connected world, avoiding news updates on political events and world crises is almost impossible. However, for many, the constant stream of information can lead to heightened anxiety and stress, often known as “news-related stress.” This form of anxiety can manifest physically and emotionally, affecting mental health and well-being. Understanding the impact of news-induced anxiety, recognizing personal triggers, and developing healthy coping strategies can make a significant difference in managing these effects.

What is News-Related Stress?

News-related stress refers to feelings of anxiety, overwhelm, and helplessness triggered by exposure to current events, particularly those with political or global impact. Whether it’s economic uncertainty, conflicts, climate change, or political divisions, these issues can overwhelm people and lead to a sense of hopelessness. While staying informed can be beneficial, constantly consuming distressing news can contribute to chronic stress and anxiety, affecting both mental and physical health.

The Psychological Impact of Constant News Exposure

The human brain is naturally wired to focus on potential threats, an evolutionary adaptation to keep us safe. However, the nonstop nature of modern media coverage keeps our stress response activated for more extended periods, which can lead to sustained mental strain and anxiety. For those already prone to anxiety disorders, the constant news cycle can intensify symptoms, leading to physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or gastrointestinal issues.

Recognizing the Signs of News-Related Anxiety

To effectively address anxiety stemming from news exposure, it’s essential to recognize the signs that indicate a stress response. Common signs of news-related anxiety include:

• Intrusive Thoughts: Constantly think about or replay distressing news stories in your mind.

• Sleep Disturbances: Struggling to fall or stay asleep due to worry about current events.

• Physical Symptoms: Headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and other physical manifestations of stress.

• Increased Irritability or Restlessness: Feeling easily agitated or restless when thinking about specific issues.

• Avoidance Behavior: Wanting to avoid news sources altogether or distancing oneself from discussions about current events.

The Impact of Social Media and 24/7 News Cycles

Social media platforms and 24-hour news channels can exacerbate anxiety by providing real-time updates and sensationalized headlines that amplify the impact of stressful events. This constant access to distressing information can create a phenomenon known as “doomscrolling,” where individuals feel compelled to scroll through negative news despite feeling worse afterward. Research shows that frequent exposure to negative news can reinforce feelings of anxiety and depression, creating a cycle that is difficult to break.

Coping Strategies for Managing News-Induced Anxiety

Managing news-related anxiety is possible, and mental health professionals recommend a variety of techniques to help individuals mitigate the impact of distressing news. Here are several effective strategies:

1. Set Boundaries on News Consumption Limiting news intake is essential in managing stress levels. Setting specific times of day to check the news, rather than frequently scrolling throughout the day, can help create emotional boundaries. Some people find it helpful to limit news exposure to just once or twice daily to stay informed without becoming overwhelmed.

2. Focus on Credible Sources Misinformation and sensationalized headlines can amplify anxiety. Choosing credible news sources helps ensure you receive accurate information without unnecessary dramatization. Being selective with sources can reduce exposure to clickbait or emotionally charged content, which often exacerbates feelings of worry or helplessness.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques Mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing, meditation, or grounding, can help calm the mind and body. These techniques help individuals refocus their attention, reduce anxiety symptoms, and stay present instead of fixating on hypothetical worst-case scenarios. Practicing mindfulness regularly has been shown to help reduce anxiety, improve resilience, and promote emotional regulation.

4. Engage in Activities That Foster Positivity Counterbalancing harmful news exposure with uplifting activities is another way to manage stress. This might include spending time outdoors, engaging in a hobby, reading a book, or practicing gratitude exercises. Research indicates that positive activities can enhance mood, increase feelings of control, and reduce anxiety.

5. Limit Social Media Use Social media significantly contributes to news-related stress, as it can create a sense of urgency and immersion in global events. Limiting time on social media platforms, setting up app usage timers, or even taking temporary breaks can reduce exposure to anxiety-inducing content. Many people find removing news apps or turning off notifications helpful in reducing compulsive checking behavior.

6. Focus on Actions Within Your Control Feelings of helplessness can worsen anxiety, so focusing on proactive steps you can take to make a difference can be empowering. For instance, if climate change news is causing stress, consider supporting environmental causes or adopting sustainable habits. Taking action—even on a small scale—can provide a sense of purpose and counterbalance feelings of helplessness.

7. Seek Professional Support When Needed For some individuals, the impact of news-related stress can be significant enough to require professional support. Therapists trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) can provide tools and strategies to help individuals cope with anxiety and build resilience. Therapy offers a safe space to process emotions, explore coping mechanisms, and learn strategies tailored to individual needs.

How Counselors and Therapists Approach News-Related Anxiety

Mental health professionals play a crucial role in helping clients manage news-related stress. Therapists often focus on identifying cognitive distortions—unhelpful thought patterns that amplify anxiety, such as catastrophizing or all-or-nothing thinking. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helps clients recognize these patterns and develop healthier ways of processing information.

Mindfulness-based interventions can also be effective. Techniques like body scanning, meditation, and mindful breathing exercises help clients stay present, reduce their stress response, and develop resilience. Counseling sessions may also include discussions on self-compassion, encouraging clients to accept and understand their anxiety without judgment, which can alleviate feelings of guilt or shame about being affected by external events.

The Benefits of a Balanced Media Diet

One practical approach to minimizing news-related stress is to adopt a balanced “media diet.” This involves diversifying sources, balancing negative news with positive content, and consuming media mindfully. Just as a balanced food diet contributes to physical health, a balanced media diet promotes mental well-being. Making time for inspiring stories, uplifting news, or informational content on topics like science and arts can provide a healthy break from distressing coverage.

Building Resilience in an Uncertain World

Ultimately, the goal in managing news-related anxiety is not to avoid the news altogether but to cultivate resilience. Resilience enables individuals to confront challenges, process emotions, and maintain mental wellness. Building resilience includes acknowledging and validating personal fears while learning to cope with uncertainty healthily. When individuals strengthen their capacity for resilience, they are better equipped to face the ups and downs of world events without letting anxiety dominate their lives.

Common Questions Around News-Related Stress and Anxiety

Is it normal to feel anxious about world events?

Yes, feeling anxious about events that impact society is normal. Many people experience anxiety when faced with uncertainty or exposure to negative news. Acknowledging this anxiety is the first step in managing it.

Can limiting news intake reduce anxiety?

Yes, studies have shown that limiting news intake can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. Setting boundaries around news exposure can help individuals stay informed without feeling overwhelmed.

What types of therapy are best for news-related anxiety?

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) are commonly used approaches that have been effective in managing anxiety related to news and world events. Both methods help individuals reframe their responses and cope with stress more effectively.

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Related Terms

• Doomscrolling

• Mindfulness techniques for anxiety

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)

• Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR)

• Media diet

Additional Resources

• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA)

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)

• American Psychological Association on Anxiety

Expand Your Knowledge

• How the News Can Affect Your Mental Health

• Managing Anxiety about World Events

For counseling services, visit https://www.kevonowen.com or call now. 405-740-1249 or 405-655-5180.